everything must go

I shall now attempt to venture forth into a hitherto personally unexplored aspect of blogging: writing without the aid of photos. As time continues on its inexorable course, I find myself becoming increasingly...ambivalent. Its that selfsame word I use whenever someone asks me how I feel about going.

Psychology. the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.

Thanks to dictionary.com for that definition. Its possibly the closest words I can match to the way I feel right now. Of course, going to one of those pre-departure functions tonight has exacerbated that feeling by quite a bit. My basic premise for choosing to go overseas has always been that it would be a rude shock for me, sufficient to push me out of my comfort zone. It really is a challenge; I really am one for my comfort zones.

First, the negative feelings.

Venturing into, what will be for me, a totally new place is slightly...scary, to say the least. The only other Singaporean fresher going with me has been remarkably silent, and I can only pray he/she has not withdrawn, thus leaving me the sole representative of my country in my year. Whats more it appears I am in an anomaly year, as my University normally takes in, and I quote here, 'truckloads of Singaporeans'.

Secondly, the destruction of my comfort zones; family and friends. The sheer easy comfort of home, having the safety net of parents and siblings is going to be, to a large degree, ripped away. I will for the first time have to directly face up to the consequences of my actions. If I don't cook, I don't eat. If I don't wash my clothes...well you get the idea. Money management will also be a huge issue, and so far, I've done horribly. Totally unable to account for my finances. Scratch that. Can account, cannot control.

And my friends. Chief among them would be the alumni, the people I spend virtually all my time with nowadays. Not just for singing, but for the sheer delight of their company. Of course the fact that some of them are also leaving does tend to lighten the emotional burden quite a bit. And of course, some of the people I've gotten to know in the recent past, technically making it somewhat harder to leave.

Third would be the environment problem. Medical studies are, at best, difficult. Its really hard to describe the sheer load of it. Not just the coursework, but also the time you have to invest in practical training. Like one of the guys said today, the penultimate year (meaning for me the 4th year) is a 51 week year. One week break for Christmas. Thats it. Even worse than working life. At least then you have leave. So having to grapple with the loss of personal time to just bum, which has become for me my favourite pastime, is plainly tough. Back to the environment, its going to be in an area which is completely new to me. For those of you who don't already know, my hospital is not actually in Central London (ie Kensington etc). Its actually 20mins by tube south of that. In the 'Little India' portion of London, if what I hear is correct. Whee.

Now the good parts.

Only one really good argument here. Its really a complete new start for me. With only like 2 or 3 people I know there, I have the chance to literally start anew. I can now become the extrovert rugby player bloke sort! If I want that is, but thats not the point. I am considering the leisure rugby part just for kicks though, although I'm assured I will have no time. So I essentially have 5 years to completely re-invent myself, work out the kinks I feel I have, and then maybe come back a changed person. Or maybe not (come back, I mean).

Hmm.

Sigh

Day 3 of spring-cleaning, and the end is not in sight. Everytime I pack a bit, more crap appears from nowhere. Current number of trash bags filled now lies at 7, and still going. Personally, I blame all the stuff I accumulated from army; Documents, Course Materials yada yada.

Can see from the pictures that once I pull out my bed, there is simply no space left to walk (Although I used the word 'simply' properly in that sentence, its just so reminiscent of someone's writing style that it makes me feel...weird). The four plastic bags are the latest in trash. The mound of books-to-give-away in the corner just...grow and grow.

On the bright side, I've sorted about half of the CDs in my room. Ahh...soothing sounds of Nat King Cole. All my golden oldies are, happily, still intact as well. I also realise that all the loose paper in my room falls under four main categories: band scores, choir scores, UK guides and... *drumroll*...DOTA GUIDES!! (yes, cunningly disguised on purpose for dramatic effect). Its amazing how many of these I accumulated and pored over during the days. I'd like to thank the SAF for providing the paper and ink nonetheless.

Onward, attack!

Closure

I remember but one month ago when my younger sister said to me, "Kor! Don't start blogging. Its very addictive". Haha. If only I had listened then, I wouldn't have turned into the blog troll I am now.

As the day draws nearer, I've finally begun the process of spring-cleaning my room. Its a very...cathartic process somehow; rooting through old photos, old scores, old primary school notebooks, old aborted diary attempts, old birthday cards, the guitar I never got down to learning, the sax I never got down to practicing, and old books I want to read just one more time. Marking things for disposal, for giving away, for stashing.

My room in the aftermath of spring cleaning, in what I hope is the halfway done state. The sheer amount of accumulated dust has sent me to the showers thrice today, and yet I continue to itch. Sigh. This mayhem was caused in but 2 hours of solid hacking away, resulting in 2 bags of trash already. Still have the bookshelves to work on. Would have gone straight through, except that I chose to accompany my mum out to shop for electrical/kitchen appliances for bringing over.

I had no idea there was this new budget electrical store at Harbourfront called 'BIG'. It's pretty funky really...it feels really LC as it is, but prices are really cutthroat cheap. Its also worth noting that most of the brands they tout are actually local (ie. Powerpac, Goldenfuji etc). Technology from Japan, made in China, but local brand. What can I say? Globalisation rocks indeed.

So the spoils of today are a slow cooker, a rice cooker, an airpot (those hot-water dispensers) and a spanking new steam iron. Together with a few bric-a-brac like torchlights and novelty mugs, the total bill came up to...less than $100. Pretty nifty huh? I only hope they all don't conk out after the 1st month of use. I also got a new 2GB SD card to feed my digital camera at only $59. The day I view my world thru only the lens (or rather LCD screen) of my little camera draws ever nearer. I only hope the change will be painless.

Through various subtle comments by various subtle people, I have gleaned that my blog has received far more attention than I had previously surmised. Sigh. Anyhow to continue in this fashion where I broadcast my entire day to the general (albeit discerning) public, this spate of photos was taken during dinner at Chongqing Hotpot in Tanglin Shopping Centre. The occasion was a sort of quasi send-off to Leeyang who is returning to the United Kingdom this Saturday afternoon, after a short hiatus in Singapore and Japan.

The food, although slightly on the pricey side, was really really good, especially considering it was an ala carte buffet. Consuming a grand total of 12 plates of sliced beef, the only other food we ate in such quantities were golden mushrooms aka 'jingu' (10 plates) and cockles (6 plates). My personal favourite though, which no one else seemed to share, was the ox-tongue. Mmm. Continuing my tea education, everyone at the table also had a serving of 'ba bao' (or eight treasures) tea. Can't say I cared much for it, but it was an experience nevertheless.

It was great to really properly see Leeyang as opposed to the rushed meetings we've had so far. Since I'll be joining him shortly in a month or so though, can't say that it was a very sad parting of any sort.

So once again, having only escaped debt this morning, I return once again to the red. Sigh.

37 days left!

I realise that a side effect on incipient departure is that I have taken to carrying everywhere with me, in addition to my valuables, my little digital camera. As David puts it, "photo-whoring" has become my hobby of late. As I go through these few days, I realise this pictorial trail helps me find insight and some contentment as I close this chapter in my life, and will hopefully give me comfort as I trudge through the next more or less on my own.

Thus revealing the great mystery of why the alumni are so close. Thats because we hang out together so much! I do admit that as much as I look forward to practice every week, I also look forward to just enjoying their company over a simple (albeit occasionally pricey!) meal. So today, in order to avoid the lure of Crystal Jade La Mian Xiao Long Bao, we avoided Holland Village altogether and made a beeline for town, eventually landing in California Pizza Kitchen in Forum (Toys 'R Us!).

Now due to the relatively low budgets of all the FIFTEEN (read 15!) of us who went for lunch together, we ending up splitting 8 pizza's among all of us. Now at $20 a pizza, it netted us 3 slices of pizza each for $12. Wowch. Lucky McDonald's was next door. Double Cheeseburger to the rescue!

After wandering aimlessly along Orchard Road for awhile working off the pizza, we gradually dwindled and dwindled till we just...dissipated. Acknowledged problems with big groups. But oh well, it was a really great time: talking, laughing, and teasing. Things I know I will miss muchly. Oh yeah...also found out Leb's leaving in a week or so. Bugger. Time really passes very fast.

Was fortunate to be able to join a buncha people to celebrate Wendy's belated birthday! A woman's age is her secret, so I won't be telling! =) But dinner was another great affair. Although pizza again, it was just as fabulous, and I ate so much more for just $15! The dinner was at spizza's in Club Street, and the really strange thing is that all the Pizza's were given female Italian names for every letter of the alphabet.

Hence, in the pictures above are a Large Helena, a large Quinta, and a large Juliana (or something like that =P). The cake is Wendy's birthday cake, and it is called the 'Maharajah'. Heh.

Now the crowning glory of the evening: we retired to the Tea Chapter for drinks! As I remarked to my sis, it's more my style. If I'd gone out with people my age, we'd be at least imbibing alcohol instead of gourmet Chinese Tea. It was a really eye-opening experience, and one I'd readily go for again really.

We had three teas; a white tea (white peony), a green tea (longjing) and a black tea (pu-er) to 'cleanse our palate'. Haha. Don't know if it did that, but it sure did contribute to raised heart rates as we rushed to finished brewing and serving the tea before closing time. As Victor put it, 'competitive tea drinking'. Brilliant =)

37 more days till I turn a new page. Ambivalence.

Choir

As befits my current standing (unemployed and too much free time), I will now proceed to give yet another long and rambling insight into the nostalgia that has assaulted me whilst in the process of cleaning out my old computer.

So what words can do justice to an experience as great as this? To wear the ol' cream blazer, tuck in the damn pleated shirt into...uhh...the pants, tie that stupid bowtie, and mangle my disobedient hair into some semblance of neatness. I wouldn't exchange that for nuthin...except maybe going overseas to study, but thats another story, aye? =P

The above collage is a collection of pictures taken by Mr Mark Ng on the day of SYF'03 Preliminaries. It seems almost a lifetime ago, these events. Jitters, jitters, check hair ok, more jitters. Then walking onto that stage in VCH...sigh. Bizarre that after all these years, looking at these pictures I can still recognise people from the back.

More courtesy of Mr Mark Ng. This was after our prelims. I still remember how we all had to go back after phototaking because they only allowed a few people to stay back to hear the results. We got bused back to school for 'lessons', where I ponned class for the first time ever. Jitters. Bunch of us sat in the void deck and reminsced, prayed, held hands, talked about the performance endlessly...just waiting for news.

And then it came. Through to the finals. Ahh...


Of course my poor ole batch after having the economic downturn ruin many of our carolling engagements, we had SARs ruin our plans of touring Czech. Which made it my 6th consecutive school year without a school tour of any sort. Bummer.

So the compensation plan! 4 days 3 nights in Beaufort (now the Sentosa Resort). I must admit I was pretty blessed to get dream roomies (much like this year) in the form Quentin (my buddy!) and Peter, two people I not only got along with, but also enjoyed the company of. Then of course my extended group of Chloe, Eleena and Yishan. I won't pretend I remember the name of our group anymore, but I do remember suggesting that we should be called something nifty like the 'ninja durians'. Shot down in planning, of course. Sigh. Good times.

Its interesting to note that if you look at the bass picture, you can see Mrs Tay with a young Elizabeth. She's walking now (Elizabeth...duh). Yeesh =P And if you wondered why we're so suaku about the Esplanade and the Fullerton, you must realise that they were just newly opened in 2003. Sigh...so old.

My dear batch! As you can see, the last batch (along with our seniors of course) of Choir people to sing in VCH. Not that singing in the Esplanade wasn't stunning...just a bit scary after VCH =P You can't really ever find words to describe your own batch. The good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, all amalgate into this nice warm bubble of sentiment over time. Well, it did for me anyhow.

One thing though...I remember on our first rehearsal in the somewhat austere surroundings of the HR. Ms Gracia said to my batch, "Look around. The people seated around will be your best friends. And not just for JC, but for life." And hey, it's true (except for a few exceptions, of course =P).


Photo trail must of course lead on to my juniors. Can't quite find a adjective for them. Darling? mmm...Endearing? We'll just stick with...tall. My tall juniors (except for Joanna!). A great many people I was close to in this batch...Quentin, Jaehyeon, Fi, Yingying and Grace. And of course, my Yuanyuan =). Despite whatever I might have said or thought of my juniors at that time, I really am proud of the way they turned out. Not that I had anything to do with it, but I'm privileged to be somewhat connected to them in some obscure form.


Last bout of photo's here! Choir moments I can't quite place in the timeline, but nevertheless oh-so-precious. In the middle is our morning ensemble, backstage before our last ever performance on Honour's Night. To the many faces (and hairdo's!) who made my Choir, and therefore JC experience unforgettable.

39 days left!

Just did a wee bit more cleaning up on my computer, and I came across something I want to share. This photo here is dedicated to my dear friend David Charles.

In good health, bud.

Cleaning House

I realised today that all the elaborate titles I've crafted for my blog entries simply don't show. So anyhow, this blog entry is called 'Cleaning House'. Poetic no? It's largely inspired by the fact that seeing how I now have exactly 40 days remaining until I leave for school, I've begun the lengthy process of clearing out my old computers, and concentrating the stuff I want to keep into this laptop (as well as deleting the things i don't want the parents to see...hurhur).

So now let me proceed to wax eloquent about the nostalgia triggered by a few precious photo's stored in a musty memory bank. These photo's encapsulate the sum of my experiences over the past 5 years; JC, and then NS (although I have no pictures of NS, I do have pictures of myself during that period =P). As most of my close friends will know, my JC and NS life were pretty much defined by Choir, and thus virtually (almost) all my friends come from there.

Not so good with the words, so I'll head on to the pictures. I'm putting them here because I do think they deserve to see the light of day, and also because...just because!

Pictures taken on my last official day in school (ie. after prelims, before A levels). The feeling I have after finding these pictures is...incredible. Rush of memories really. I had no idea I had so many memories of JC. The best thing is: I can name everyone in the pictures! (except...maybe just one =P). But thats not saying much, because there's about maybe 4 non-choir people there at most. JC days were...really a blur for me. And I realise I haven't changed very much in terms of the way I look. Still the same old guai-kia look. Sigh.

This was A level results day...got off from BMT to come and get my unsatisfying results. At least Quentin and Tiffany brought me out for lunch though =) Pictures here are with the classmates I was close to, along with my form teacher. 6 non-choir people in this collage! Terence, Candice, Grace, Ernestine, Melissa and Ms Too (and I can name them too).

Its strange how much we've changed, but not really huh? (intentionally cryptic comment). Special mention at the bottom: Mr Sum with Ruth and I. I'll be joining Ruth in 40 days time in St Georges, though she'll be a good 2 years ahead of me. Bah. And of course! One of the few pictures, and almost certainly the last picture I have with Felicia Anita Halim, my dearest tata. I hope she comes back soon.

Few remaining photos I can't quite categorise. Two photos from Seniors Night (such fashion mistakes), two from the first time Charissa went to NZ, one from my first vocal solo concert (just one of many la), and the final one at the bottom is the batch of 03 doing our first carolling gig as new alumni! This picture is for us to see how much we've changed. Not really, except maybe David (skinny now) and Karen Kirk (now really auntie).

I suppose memories of Seniors Night for me were pretty...funny =P Got kicked out of the 'class room' by hotel management, left Ritz in a group of 4 to try and find alternative accomodation, and ended up just walking the entire night with Tze Pang along the Bay Area, just talking rubbish and plotting the future. That was...great. I wouldn't give it up for all the post-prom-parties in the world (which I refused to go for! hah!).

Then the vocal solo thing...haha. That was...a really scary experience for me. First year army, singing German. Fun, but hopefully never again. Many thanks to David for pushing me headfirst into it though. If you didn't already know, and for those who were are that performance, I invented my own German words during the song =P

And lastly, my only two brushes with alcohol and 'youth culture'! Haha...I'm like the hip replacement =P So anyhow on the left and right are pictures from when Charissa, David, Joel and Peter brought me to Zouk for the first (and last) time. I know it looks like I'm high on alcohol, but I'm actually just really sleepy. And ok, slight alcohol buzz.

Up and down is when an almost similar gang, except replace Joel with Kokphai and add Shumin, brought me to the Loof to get me drunk. They, to all purposes, succeeded by enticing me with the ohsogood Malibu Pineapple, and this Bailey's thing. So all was going well, and I was losing my mobility when Peter decided to ask for this house specialty which was...a shot of gin and tabasco. I spent the rest of the night a hair's breadth away from puking =P

So that's it for this installment! The 40-day countdown! I've decided my choir pictures deserve a whole new post on their own to allow me to wallow more in this sentimental warmth.

Ahh.

Zhiliang's Birthday

Well...so the last of our little quartet has finally hit his majority (actually on Monday, I know, but party is party mah!). Sigh...being there tonight was actually, for me, the most carefree I've felt in a long time. Almost a flashback to more uncomplicated times. It always shocks me how much the lives of others move when I'm no longer a part of them (conceited I know!), but you know what I mean. Such gatherings are seem so fleeting in this period of my life: it's as though 4 years have flashed right by me, and suddenly I'm at the beginning, slightly changed, older, wiser, but intrinsically not all that different.

So one might wonder why I'm being so maudlin and sentimental? Haha...Zhiliang invited a mass of people to his 21st party so well, the bunch of us JC-choir people (Charissa, Peter, Huien, David & Myself) snuck off to the exercise corner where...we just enjoyed each other's company. And I also proved that I can still do a pull-up! Hah!

Hah! Proof! I actually tasked Huien to take a picture of me doing this, but she took a video instead (in which I realise my gestures can be quite aguah), so some of these are courtesy of David Charles! Lastly, a photo which I will keep for a long, long time.

A fitting tribute to our JC quartet. Huien, Charissa, Zhiliang and Myself. Study group from JC, Choir mates and best of all, friends. Also, for the first time, its not MY eyes that are closed! Nyar! Well...ZL marks the last of us to hit 21, and this is of course the year that we both enter uni. Just thinking of the times in JC when I bitched on and on about NS...and suddenly its over and I'm entering a new phase of life and...I don't really want to go. But anyway, this little photo is a tribute to the friendship that the four of us share, and a little thank you for bringing me thru my adolescence (if thats over), and for being there...almost all the time! =D

Oh well...I figure since I'm being sooooooo emo right now, I'd just like to throw an unrelated shot.

Thank you too peeps. You know who you are. Especially you, little boy. Thanks for the sweets =D

And right before I go! *drumroll*

I guess I always knew...haha! Mike! When you come here, I DARE you to take this! Yan's done it too, so you can compare with her =P In fact anyone! Take it and tag your results! *buff*

National day night

A post to prove this blog is not yet dead!

So anyhow the story is, on the night of National Day Charissa invited me over to Shumin's house for a small party cum fireworks observation thing. So the story was, quiet gathering of junior batch (who I apparently know well!), with me there to keep Charissa company. She bluffed! (proving that she is indeed the conniving vixen I purported she was since JC!)

It turned out to be a small gathering of Shumin's friends. Three exchange students in NUS (one ABC and two french girls), two of Shumin's coursemates, and my 'junior batch', consisting of Jingjie, Aloysius and Peter only! (and of course Shumin herself).

I must say though, that despite my misgivings, I really enjoyed myself. Shumin's just such a warm and unassuming person, and I found that after initial awkwardness I really just began to stop being so self-conscious (I was wearing crap, although Peter beat me =P). I will add for the record that I enjoyed myself WITHOUT alcohol after fobbing them off with some excuse about wanting to save myself for ZL's 21st birthday party. Yeah right suckers!

A close friend (ok, David Charles) recently asked me why I never posted any of my personal thoughts on this blog. Well I figured, once I hit overseas the emo would start pouring out anyway, so might as well try and establish a readership before throwing in all the touchy-feely =P But oh well, this occured to me last night: I don't really identify with the youth culture of today (ie. drinking, clubbing). Meaning, I'm a fuddy-duddy. Or as David would put it, simply nehneh.

In fact, I was discussing with Mark that this fact is perhaps why we get along so well. We're conservatives! For instance, tonight I had dinner with my tour group to finish up our tour allowance (brought camera, forgot to take pictures -_-), and Michael was recounting this incident where this guy pierced his own tongue in the school toilet for fun. He was going on about how that guy really had guts and balls! To me though, I thought that guy was just plain dumb. I mean, it takes guts to admit your faults, to overcome fears, to just suck it up and move on sometimes. Does it take guts to mutilate yourself? Nah...I think it requires some absence of thought. Besides, the thought of all the germs in a school toilet...ew.

Since I'm talking about the dinner though, this is a special note for my tour group. Thanks heaps for the card and gift (esp Jane!), and it really was a honour and privilege to be part of your tour experience. Keep singing!

Ok...the buzz of Carls Jr has dimmed somewhat, and I feel ready for slumber. Not to mention that I have to be at my GP's clinic at 8am tomorrow for a meningitis and MMR immunisation. On another note, I wonder why it is that Jo's book-covers are always in such crummy condition, while the spines remain pristine? Nerd moment!

And yes all you naysayers, I've finally succumbed and used emoticons in text. So sue me.

Revenge for David

This post is in honour of my dear friend David Charles, and is in actual fact sweet revenge for all the times Karno has posted unflattering pictures of him on his blog (check them out! haha).

Tada! Compromising picture of Karno in Colleen's headgear, courtesy of Mr Jackie Tan. Personally, I love it.